Uncle Scrooge
Tycoon Duck Charged With Kidnap
Friday 19 June 2009
Police were called to the hill-top home of millionaire tycoon Scrooge McDuck yesterday, following a call to police thought to have been made by one of his three nephews which seemed to suggest that McDuck was holding them there against their will.
When police first arrived at the scene they found no trace of either Huey, Dewey, or Louie, with Mr McDuck alleging that they had “gone fishing, or walking, or some such nonsense”. However, a thorough search of the property lead to the discovery of three very scared young boys locked in a room in the basement, wearing what can only be described as “cartoon duck suits”, with masking tape plastered over their mouths to prevent them from screaming.
Officers immediately attempted to place McDuck under arrest for the suspected kidnap and imprisonment of the three boys but were left confounded, as the perpetrator pulled a lever in the basement wall and exited through a secret passageway.
“I told him, “Don’t think I can’t hear you laughing maniacally through that wall, McDuck!”, but he didn’t answer”, said one of the officers involved. “When we located him on the premises an hour later he was actually in quite a bad state, having torn himself to shreds attempting to swim in a mountain of gold coins, and hissing at us like a goose when we attempted to trap him in our net.”
Officers questioning the three victims have so far been unable to coax any answers out of them, which is thought to be due in part to the fact that they are afraid of their human reflections, and that they are continuing to persist with the duck talk.
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