Tigerland
Gazza Appointed Newcastle Utd Boss
Tuesday 26 May 2009
Having recently been relegated from the English Premier League after being in the top flight for the last sixteen years, the Newcastle United board moved to stabilise the crisis-hit club yesterday by announcing that Paul Gascoigne would be assuming control of the team with immediate effect.
‘Gazza’ has not been in charge of a football club since he was appointed to be the boss of non-league club Kettering Town in 2005, a partnership which lasted a total of 39 days, and hasn’t been seen in this country since he was caught on CCTV cameras at Whipsnade Zoo attempting to steal a Sumatran tiger.
A statement released yesterday by the club’s board said that:
“While the club is undergoing an extensive clearout of its playing staff during the summer and rebuilding the team for the Championship, we thought it best to turn the management reigns over to an unstable alcoholic who was recently sectioned under the mental health act.”
This move has not shocked many fans, who say that they are no longer surprised at anything their board does anymore, and that they wish Gascoigne luck in his new role as boss.
“I just hope nobody dies”, said one man, while a young woman added that she was pleased to hear that Gascoigne favours the aggressive man-child tactics employed by Kevin Keegan, and not the cretinous leg-breaking tactics of Joe Kinnear, or indeed the ‘run around and do things’ approach favoured by Chris Hughton.
Delicious
Digg
reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
