http://www.thedailyliar.com The Daily Liar - The UK's #1 Tabloid News Source http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-susan_boyle_to_perform_at_the_brits http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-susan_boyle_to_perform_at_the_brits Susan Boyle will be performing at this year’s Brit awards ceremony, amid rumours that she is set to be joined on stage by dozens of confused cats in a huge musical number. http://www.thedailyliar.com/sport-benitez_set_to_field_team_of_carraghers http://www.thedailyliar.com/sport-benitez_set_to_field_team_of_carraghers "We will play a 1-3-2 system", said Benitez, "with the Super Carragher playing at the back and flattening all those who dare to cross its path." http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-geoff_hoon_dissatisfied_with_party_leadership http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-geoff_hoon_dissatisfied_with_party_leadership “I lost confidence in Marianne’s ability as a hostess last night”, said Mr Hoon, "as it was clear that the party had little or no direction." http://www.thedailyliar.com/sport-ricky_hatton_to_use_new_tactics_for_marquez_fight http://www.thedailyliar.com/sport-ricky_hatton_to_use_new_tactics_for_marquez_fight “The plan is simple”, said Hatton, “I plan to hit him in the head continuously until I am finally recognised as one of the all-time greats" http://www.thedailyliar.com/world-wheres_madeleine http://www.thedailyliar.com/world-wheres_madeleine Can you find Madeleine? http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-stephen_gately_doubtful_for_celebrity_big_brother http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-stephen_gately_doubtful_for_celebrity_big_brother A spokesman for Channel 4 said: “While our sympathy obviously goes out to the family and friends of Mr Gately, he did sign a legally binding contract to appear on the series, and we fully expect him to carry out his contractual obligations.” http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-got_to_be_starting_something http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-got_to_be_starting_something Joe Jackson was said to have been found sitting atop the ‘Y’ in the world famous ‘Hollywood’ sign late last night http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-gordon_brown_claims_victory_is_closeish http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-gordon_brown_claims_victory_is_closeish “This country will not rest until the threat of terrorism to these shores has been eradicated”, said the Prime Minister. “I don’t care how many men have to die.” http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-fans_complain_about_jackson_memorial http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-fans_complain_about_jackson_memorial “I went there expecting to see Mariah Carey and Stevie Wonder belt out Jackson’s hits”, said one furious fan, “and that was just depressing.” http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-britney_arrested_at_jackson_memorial http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-britney_arrested_at_jackson_memorial Miss Spears has now been arrested at two high profile memorial services in as many weeks. http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-george_bush_great_american_novel http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-george_bush_great_american_novel Following his eight year stint as leader of the free world, former President George W Bush has reportedly been working feverishly at his desk in the study of his new home in Dallas, Texas, in order to finish work on his highly anticipated first novel. http://www.thedailyliar.com/world-exclusive_bruce_wayne_interview_part_one http://www.thedailyliar.com/world-exclusive_bruce_wayne_interview_part_one I remember looking at him wearing that ridiculous red, gold, and green ensemble, and seeing the tears welling up in his eyes, and when I turned to look at Alfred he just stared back at me and whispered, “His name is Robin.” http://www.thedailyliar.com/sport-cliff_richard_attempts_to_sabotage_wimbledon_roof http://www.thedailyliar.com/sport-cliff_richard_attempts_to_sabotage_wimbledon_roof A terrified Sue Barker had to be escorted by police from the BBC’s studio at Wimbledon today, after a frantic and drooling Sir Cliff Richard tried to gain access to the room she was working in through the air vents. http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-taco_jacko http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-taco_jacko A Californian outlet of Taco Bell inducted its newest employee today, putting Mexican immigrant Miguel Jackson, 50, through his paces in an effort to ensure that he knows exactly what to do when customers ask him to shovel beef into a corn shell. http://www.thedailyliar.com/world-new_study_links_obesity_to_eating http://www.thedailyliar.com/world-new_study_links_obesity_to_eating “Our study found that obesity was directly correlated with gluttony,” said Dr Martin, “with most sufferers demonstrating a strikingly low capacity for self-restraint." http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-how_now_browns_owl http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-how_now_browns_owl Gordon Brown hired a new personal advisor this week in an attempt to reverse his declining popularity with voters, enlisting the services of an intimidatingly wise looking old barn owl called 'Thatcher'. http://www.thedailyliar.com/world-tycoon_duck_charged_with_kidnap http://www.thedailyliar.com/world-tycoon_duck_charged_with_kidnap A thorough search of the property lead to the discovery of three very scared young boys locked in a room in the basement, wearing what can only be described as “cartoon duck suits”. http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-bnp_leader_claims_gordon_brown_is_no_hitler http://www.thedailyliar.com/politics-bnp_leader_claims_gordon_brown_is_no_hitler “Brown is severely lacking in the charisma which Hitler possessed in abundance”, said Griifin, “and I believe him to be incapable of keeping the motherland in order.” http://www.thedailyliar.com/sport-exciting_new_michael_owen_opportunity http://www.thedailyliar.com/sport-exciting_new_michael_owen_opportunity What had been billed as an exciting new football opportunity later turned out to be ‘an exciting new Michael Owen opportunity’ instead. http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-demi_moore_punkd_by_husband http://www.thedailyliar.com/entertainment-demi_moore_punkd_by_husband American actress Demi Moore was said to be devastated yesterday after it was revealed that her marriage to Ashton Kutcher was in fact a ludicrously drawn out episode of his hit MTV show Punk'd.