Hoon!
Geoff Hoon Dissatisfied With Party Leadership
Sunday 17 January 2010
It has been reported this morning that former defence secretary Geoff Hoon began voicing his concern last night about a political fundraiser which he was attending, that was aimed at raising money for those MP’s hit by the recent expenses row, stating that he hadn’t had a drink all night, and citing ‘leadership issues’ as his main reason for wanting to leave the party.
While currently plotting his next well-timed strategic move, following his part in the unsuccessful coup which had attempted to force Gordon Brown from office, the MP for Ashfield was said by one guest to have been openly criticising the party’s infrastructure all night, and squarely laying the blame for this at the door of fifty-nine year old hostess Marianne Charles, who he claimed had failed to demonstrate even the most basic qualities needed in a leader, preferring instead to rely on her legion of underlings to greet the guests and perform those social duties that are usually thought to be the responsibility of the host.
“I lost confidence in Marianne’s ability as a hostess last night”, said Mr Hoon, “and I was not the only one. It was clear to my fellow guests that the party had little or no direction, and a lot of people I spoke to did not know what we stood for when sitting was clearly the better option for a room full of pensioners."
Mr Hoon’s protestations seem somewhat more hollow however, considering that every other guest at the party has since come out in defence of Miss Charles, with some alleging that Mr Hoon has been bad mouthing her ever since it was announced that she would be in charge of the fundraiser and not him, a charge which Mr Hoon moved quickly to deny this afternoon, stating that Miss Charles “should be careful when dealing with a man who can make it look like you’ve killed yourself in a field, with a blunt pocket knife you used to use as a scout, over a leaked memoir about a dossier on Iraq, bitch.”
“He just wanted to be the one to run the party”, said one guest. “I swear to God at one point he actually called for silence in the room and said that if anyone else felt that the party was becoming a joke then they should make a stand and follow him back to his place. “Who’s with me?” he shouted, but we all just ignored him and started back up with our conversations. To be honest the whole party felt that his outburst was very poorly timed, as the reason we were all there has been largely ignored by the media, and those MP’s who have had to give up duck ponds and bell towers must continue to suffer in silence. That’s the real tragedy in all of this.”
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