Humiliated
Bruce Wayne Interview
Wednesday 1 July 2009
In our exclusive interview with billionaire businessman Bruce Wayne, better known to millions around the world as Gotham City’s trusted crime fighter, Batman, we ask:
How did you come to have Robin as your sidekick?
“I remember when Dick Grayson first came to stay with me at Wayne Manor, it was only a few days after his entire family had been killed in a freak yachting accident; his family were circus performers you see, and I remember saying to Alfred at the time - Alfred’s my butler by the way – “Alfred”, I said, “I have to go out now, for god’s sake please don’t dress the boy up as a bat, I know you’ve got this bizarre habit of dressing people up as animals but I really wish you wouldn’t indulge your fetish with these reckless adrenaline junky teenagers. I’m still dealing with the fallout from the whole Batgirl debacle.” “Yes sir”, he said, but I could see the glint in his eye as I left, and I made sure to lock the bat-cave so that he couldn’t get in to use the sewing machine.
That night when I returned it was with some trepidation. Alfred always favoured animals with wings, I don’t know why, and while up to that point all his costumes had been of bats: Batman, Batgirl, Batboy etc, I had always feared that one day I would return to find a Hawk or maybe even a Puffin, so as I entered the main house and saw him standing by the entrance to the living room looking strangely pleased with himself, I naturally feared the worst.
I entered the room cautiously at first, slightly afraid of what I might be about to lay eyes on, and saw Dick sitting alone on the couch looking thoroughly embarrassed at what Alfred had done to him. I remember looking at him wearing that ridiculous red, gold, and green ensemble, and seeing the tears welling up in his eyes, and when I turned to look at Alfred he just stared back at me and whispered, “His name is Robin.”
Well, I’d rather not go into detail about what was said afterwards, but a lot of cross words and shouting through tears finally resulted in Dick accepting his new alter-ego. I think more to please Alfred more than anything, who had tried suggesting other ‘cooler’ birds that might appeal better to a teenage sensibility, but ‘Bluetit’ and ‘Red Faced Booby’ were shot down almost as quickly as they were proposed.
In retrospect it was undoubtedly a good thing that Dick was able to lend me so much support over the years, and after I discovered Alfred’s secret stash of brightly coloured material we never had any other serious problems - apart from our final encounter with ‘The Penguin’, which I shan’t say too much about as Alfred isn’t here to defend himself, but let’s just say there are some things that even the dead body of an evil genius should never have to endure.”
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