Crazy cat lady
Susan Boyle, Cats To Perform At The Brits
Wednesday 20 January 2010
It was announced today that bona fide singing sensation and internet phenomenon Susan Boyle will be performing at this year’s Brit awards ceremony, amid rumours that she is set to be joined on stage by dozens of confused cats, in a musical number which is being touted as the most audacious ever attempted at the event.
According to one insider, the singer, who has a particular affinity for the animals, has apparently requested that they accompany her on stage for a version of ‘I Dreamed a Dream’, and producers are keen to accommodate her wishes, while they are also secretly praying that the animals’ incessant mewing does not drown out the Scot’s mellifuous voice, which would be a huge let-down for the millions of hardcore music fans watching the show at home.
However, while booking ‘SuBo’ is certainly a coup for the awards show, it has also come to light that arrangements are being made to prevent any repeat of the breakdown which the singer suffered last year while in the midst of intense media scrutiny, with organisers keen to avoid claims that they did not prepare the animals for the kind of sudden attention that they are bound to receive on the night.
“The organisers are worried that there is the potential for dozens of furry little meltdowns”, said the insider, “and they will be laying on counselling for the cats should any of them require it.”
With preparations seemingly under way to minimise the chaos that will be caused when these scared pets are released into a noisy auditorium, it has also been rumoured that Miss Boyle is particularly looking forward to her appearance, as she feels that it is the perfect opportunity for her to unveil her new stage persona, ‘The Crazy Cat Lady’, which she recently decided to adopt after being inspired by the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, The Phantom of the Opera, while producers have said that they will be ready with tranquilisers in the event that Miss Boyle begins to shout incoherently and threaten nearby school children with her stick.
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